Lap Cat
by Bayou Bebe
Summary: An Xmas Story for MauMauKa! It's Jensen's birthday and the losers have taken him out for a good time. But its Cougar's present he likes the best! CouJen for the masses!


Jensen had been on his laptop, hacking into the bank accounts of several large companies and skimming a bit of currency into one of the ghost accounts that routed it into the losers' funds so that they wouldn't have to scrimp around so much on the cash.

He had been holed up in his room at the house for a while and shrieked in shock as Roque threw the door open and smirked at him, "Jensen, oh hell white boy put on your damn pants!" he ordered as he glared at the offending purple boxers and pirates hat.

Jensen glared at him and stood up. "Why?" He challenged as Pooch, Clay and Cougar followed the imposing man into the room. "Why are you all dressed up?" He asked in confusion getting a chuckle from the driver.

"Seriously you don't remember what day it is?" Pooch asked as Clay threw a pair of jeans to the hacker and tapped his watch, "Out in five." He called as he left the room.

Jensen glared at the others, "What the hell?" He muttered as he pulled on his pants and Cougar handed him a black t shirt that read Budget Ninja Costume on the front of it.

Cougar smiled and leaned in to kiss the taller man's cheek, "feliz cumpleaños, Jake." He said with a grin before tipping his hat at the hacker and leaving a blushing Jensen behind him, trying to figure out what he had said. "Wait Cougs!" He yelped as he threw himself down the hallway after the man, yanking the t-shirt on over his head, "What does that mean!" he whined as he flailed his arms about in frustration as the Sniper laughed and held the door open for him.

"It means get your damned lily white ass in the van." Pooch shot out as Roque held the door open for them with his foot from the furthest back bench.

Jensen climbed up into the van and looked around at the other men in confusion, "So where we going?" he asked, before glaring at the silent sniper beside him, "What does that mean!" He said, his attention reverting back to the Spanish the other man had spoken at him, one of these days he was going to watch the entirety of Dora the Explorer so that he could learn more Spanish, he'd learned a few things with it already but it wasn't the stuff that Cougar normally said to him, well except for the vamanos! He was always yelling at Jensen to hurry somewhere.

Cougar rolled his eyes at the hacker. "Happy Birthday." He said grudgingly, still finding it hard to believe that the hacker still couldn't understand the most basic parts of any other language but English and hackerese.

Jensen's face showed his confusion for a moment before his eyes lit up in exultation and he squealed, getting a mutter from Roque in the backseat. "It's my birthday?" He asked in shock, having honestly forgotten about checking the date since they'd been stuck in the backwards town in the middle of Panama. They weren't scheduled to report back to home base or even back to America for another month and in all of the prep work for their op, he hadn't been keeping track of the slowly passing days.

But now that he was aware of the date his whole face was lit with anticipation. "What are we doing?" He asked excitedly.

Before he'd joined the losers, he found out they hadn't really celebrated any holidays or birthdays, so when he instigated the celebrations, usually a team wide drinking binge and sweets and games and usually sleazy girls, it was always a night to remember.

Clay grinned back at the young hacker behind him. The kid was working out well with them, able to hold his own against them all and managing to actually know how to shoot and move in an operation. Even if he didn't shut up hardly ever, Frank wanted to do something nice for the boy, so they losers decided to take him out to one of the big bars and get the geek wasted. "Just you wait, kid, you'll see." He promised as Cougar put a "Birthday Boy" hat on Jensen's and smirked at him.

Jensen seemed to relish the hat he was wearing and proceeded to bounce incessantly the entire way to the neon infested party district in the poor city. He squealed with excitement as Pooch pulled into a parking spot and the boys spilled out of the van and into the charged electric atmosphere that resulted from too many hot bodies and too much alcohol. Jensen was turning 25 today, and realized with a pang in his chest that this was the first time that he was celebrating his birthday without his sister.

Cougar looked over at Jensen and silently nudged him with his elbow, raising an eyebrow in silent question of the sudden quiet that had overcome the blond haired man. The others never seemed to notice but Cougar had made it his job to look over the oft-forgetful man.

Jensen smiled at the Spanish man in assurance, "Hey Cougs… did you know that a female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate?" he asked getting a look of amusement from the sniper as Cougar shook his head.

Clay threw an arm around Jensen's shoulders and dragged him into a club called the Bull. Jensen bounced a little as he looked out over an impressive dance floor, filled with water and bubbles. "Holy SHIT!" He exclaimed in excitement, "This fucking rocks!" he said impressed as Clay dragged him to the large bar and ordered a round of tequila shots for the group. Clay snorted with laughter and handed the hacker a shot, "Happy Birthday, Jake." He said with a grin before downing his own shot as the other men joined in.

"Aww thanks Colonel!" Jensen said with a grin before throwing back the shot.

Carlos felt naked without his hat. Sighing again and taking another shot from the table, he watched Jensen with the tiniest of smiles as the tall blond man danced in between two girls and a dark Hispanic man. Carlos knew very well that the Hacker liked him. The fact that it was a mutual attraction made it even more fun. Cougar was more than willing to leave the younger man to sweat it out but the fact that the man was out dancing with a man who had at least somewhat similar features made the Hispanic man smile smugly.

Jensen was definitely a sight to behold. With the large amounts of liquor he'd consumed at his teammates behest he was now being almost over affectionate. His pale skin was flushed, and his hair was wet and plastered to his head in some places while the rest was spiked up away from his skull. His glasses were almost cockeyed on his face and his arms were raised in exaltation as he danced in the middle of one of the waterfalls in the club, bubbles clinging to his body and his clothing plastered firmly to his skin.

Cougar watched as the Hispanic man dancing with Jensen moved the girls out of the way, much to their disgust, and began grinding up on the man in a way that if they were caught by anyone who actually gave a shit in military structure would get Jensen kicked out on DD. Cougar watched as Jensen threw his head back with mouth open while he grabbed the other man's hips and danced with him in a perverted standing version of a lap dance, Jensen's hands roaming on the other man's body and as the man straightened out, the hacker spun him around so they were face to face and they changed their dance to one of barely concealed sex. Cougar was happy to see that Jensen wouldn't let the other man kiss him, feeling a little less like murdering the poor unsuspecting man where he stood on the dance floor. But watching Jensen dance with the man was giving him an idea.

He smirked as he saw Clay brave the dance floor to gather up the inebriated hacker and bring him back to the table where a new round of shots waited. "What the hell's that fool doing?" Roque exclaimed before laughing loudly, "Lil cracker is gonna get his ass shot if he keeps… oh holy shit!" Roque gasped and Cougar looked back to look at Jensen and Clay before choking on air as Jensen was snuggled up to Clay and obviously talking to the older man while pressing kisses to his cheek and neck, a smile spread wide over his face the entire time. Cougar was sure that Jensen was about to be shot but Clay didn't seem to mind as he guided the Hacker to the bar to gather the tray of shots. Handing one to the Hacker at the bar, Cougar cursed in shock as Jensen grabbed Clay's cheeks and pressed a sloppy kiss to Frank's lips. Clay smirked and said something to the Hacker which caused him to turn and walk towards the table, the flush still present in a happy buzz on his face. "Hi guys!" He said exuberantly before leaning over to hug Pooch before the man could escape and then kiss Roque on the top of the head before flopping down next to Cougar and snuggling into his side, and sighing happily. "Thish is an aweshome night!" he said loudly as he waved his hands in a fluttering motion to emphasize the statement.

Cougar grinned as Jensen started to play with his hair. "Is it?" he asked the other man as he shook his head in exasperation when Jensen got his finger caught in a curl. Roque and Pooch were cracking up and taking more shots, passing them out as Frank got there with the new tray of shots. "So anything else sound good on your birthday, Jensen?" Pooch asked with a smirk as he watched the hacker throw back three more shots and wiggle around in happiness before collapsing back in a daze in the booth.

Jensen's face morphed into a look of intense concentration. "Maybe a lap dance." He said after several long moments getting laughter and jokes from the rest of the unit except Cougar.

Carlos looked up and met Clay's eyes before smirking at the man and standing up as Frank leaned over to whisper to Roque to keep his cool.

Cougar stood up, the low ponytail swaying as he stretched a bit before grabbing a shot and downing it before straddling Jensen's thighs and leaning in to whisper into his ear. "I saw you with that bastard on the dance floor. Did you like it when he rubbed his ass up on your cock, Jake? Did it make you feel powerful?" he whispered into Jensen's ear.

Jensen's eyes went wide as his hands reached up to grip Cougar's hips, his eyes going cross. "Yes." He whined as his face turned bright red in a blush and his lips opened so he could pant in excitement at the brush of Cougar's lips against his ear, the hot breath sliding over his neck and the words flowing in husky tones.

Cougar smirked, "Did you wish it was me? Did that little slut with his long hair and thin little body work well enough to see me there in front of you? Did you fantasize about me out there with you, dancing up against you, rubbing my body on you and making you hard?" he said with a smirk as Jensen's hands convulsed and he nodded fervently, "_Carlos_." He moaned making Clay, Roque and Pooch laugh.

Cougar smirked and kissed Jensen's neck before getting off his lap, after wiggling from his grip and chuckled as a familiar song began to blare over the speakers of the club, thrumming the club with energy and bass. Cougar pulled Jensen up from the booth to sit in the last open chair around the table. Turning to face the rest of the unit he smirked before dropping to rub himself against Jensen's groin, his ass brushing him as he balanced over him before sitting and dancing up against him as the man had before on the dance floor.

While "Sexy Back" thrummed out through the speakers in the club Frank watched in awe as Cougar rubbed and gyrated against Jensen's lap as the Hacker's hands came up, one gripping Cougar's waist and the other fisting Carlos' dog tags as his eyes rolled in the back of his head, his mouth falling open as he moaned from each brush and grind of Cougar's hips against his own.

By the second verse, Cougar was singing along with the song, his accented English sending shivers down Jensen's spine as they lost themselves into each other's bodies and the sensations of rubbing up against each other, especially with Jensen's wet clothes. Halfway through the song, Cougar turned so that he was facing Jensen as he thrust up against him, leaning forward to press a kiss against his neck as they thrust up against each other, the pace quickening as Cougar rocked against him, a smirk present as he felt how aroused Jensen had gotten from the friction.

Jensen looked like he was about to blow his load as the song finally ended with a long slow grind from Cougar and a gentle kiss against Jensen's lips. "Happy Birthday, Mi Amor." He whispered in his ear before kissing his ear and getting up and grabbing the last two shots for himself and Jensen.

Jensen sat panting; taking the shot glass in a shaking hand as he tried to compose himself while Cougar took the tray full of empty shot glasses to the bar and to pay the tab. Pooch finally burst out in laughter as Jensen took the shot and grunted in satisfaction, "Fucking idiots." He muttered while Roque chuckled. "Come on birthday boy, lets see if we can get you out to the van before you pass out from blood loss." He teased as he and Clay pulled Jensen to his feet, getting protesting noises from Jensen as he stared out at the dance floor before his knees gave out and the other men had to catch him.

"Shit I thinks I be morsh dranks thdan I thoughts." He slurred getting laughter as Cougar joined them at the doorway and they walked the man back to the car.

Once they finally got back to the apartment and got Jensen up the stairs, who was now engrossed in a rather loud and off key version of "We are the Champions" Cougar took him over after Jensen had thanked everyone for the night out and then, to Cougar's disgust, kissed Clay, Roque AND Pooch each on the cheek..

He sighed and helped the blond man into their room, sitting him on the bed to remove his boots and socks, before standing him up and marching him into the bathroom. He peeled the intoxicated man's clothes off, smirking when Jensen squealed as his hands brushed over the hacker's ribs and then snorted as Jensen whined about having to "potty". He let the blond piss, leaving the bathroom to find a dry pair of boxers to change the man into once he was done relieving himself before helping him to his bed. He smiled and tucked the hacker in, folding his glasses for him and putting them on his night stand before taking a bucket and placing it in the perfect position jammed between the nightstand and the bed and rolling Jensen into recovery position so the man wouldn't choke on vomit during his sleep from the alcohol.

Kissing Jensen's forehead before slowly pressing a kiss to the drunken man's lips he leaned over so his lips brushed Jensen's ear. "Te amo, Jake." He whispered, rolling his eyes as Jensen only let out a soft snore in response.

Stripping from his own clothes he leaned over to kiss Jake again before getting into his own bed and smiling as he said his prayers, closed his eyes, and followed Jensen into sleep.


End file.
